Recently, a fellow coach and I were having a conversation about loving parts of ourselves. While we both have come a LONG way in loving ourselves, we're discovering that there are still parts of ourselves we keep trying to "fix" or "change" and not always from a place of love.
For years, many people who know me well personally have referred to me as indecisive. My dad used to joke about how, when I was a kid, my friends and I would hang out in our rooms because we couldn’t decide what else to do. My brother continuously got irritated with the fact that I always answered “I don’t mind”. And I know other friends and family would find life easier if I had more opinions or made more decisions.
I am working on this, trying to get better. I know sometimes I hold back my opinion because of fear or a lack of trust in myself or the other person. I’m a work in progress!
Instead of berating myself for this or thinking about how annoying or "bad" this part of me is, instead of hating this part of myself, instead of trying to only "fix" this part of me, what if I loved this part of myself?
A New Perspective on Self-Acceptance
What if I loved the part of me that knows it’s WHO I do things with, not WHAT I do, that really matters to me? What if I loved the part of me that knows I can have fun doing almost anything as long as I’m with cool people? The part of me that recognizes that other people often have stronger opinions than I do and may have their experience tainted if they don’t like whatever was chosen? The part of me that wants other people to be happy and values their happiness?
The Power of Self-Compassion
Loving ourselves isn’t about hating our flaws or pretending they don’t exist. It’s about recognizing that every part of us, even the parts we want to improve, deserves compassion and understanding. By shifting our perspective and embracing the aspects of ourselves we typically criticize, we open the door to deeper self-acceptance.
For example, my indecisiveness isn’t just a flaw; it’s also a sign of my desire to be considerate and inclusive. It’s a reflection of my willingness to go with the flow and enjoy the journey, rather than being fixated on the destination. When I look at it this way, my indecisiveness becomes a strength rather than a weakness.
The Journey of Personal Growth
This doesn’t mean I shouldn’t and don't strive to improve. Growth and self-improvement are vital parts of our journey. However, the way we approach this growth can make all the difference. Instead of trying to "fix" myself out of a sense of inadequacy or because I'm broken or wrong, I can work on myself from a place of love and acceptance. This shift in mindset transforms the process from a struggle into a journey of self-discovery.
When we approach our flaws with compassion, we can better understand the underlying reasons for our behaviors. For instance, my hesitation to express my opinions may stem from a fear of conflict or a desire to maintain harmony. By acknowledging these reasons, I can more easily face my fears and work on building my courage and assertiveness.
Celebrating Our Unique Selves
For better and worse, we each have unique characteristics that make us who we are. Embracing these traits, even the ones we wish to change, allows us to celebrate our individuality. Our quirks and imperfections add depth to our personalities and make us relatable to others.
When we celebrate our whole self, quirks and all, we give others permission to celebrate and love their whole selves.
Moving Forward with Love
Again, I’m not saying I’m not trying to do better. I am. I want to be better. But maybe loving these parts of myself, even as I work on them, is the key to true growth and self-acceptance.
As I continue to evolve, I aim to embrace all parts of myself—both the ones I cherish and the ones I find challenging.
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